I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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