I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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