If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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