Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
