Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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