I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
my poor anus
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
