At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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