I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
