the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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