Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
