mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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