In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
