Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
