Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
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