I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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