you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
