i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
