The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
