i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize