her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize