I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
