it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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