sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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