he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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