I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
