I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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