4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
How's work?
Spinning.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
