Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
