I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize