Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
