How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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