Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
