my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
