I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
