I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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