Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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