I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Oh god it's open bar.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
