i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
