My sheets look like a crime scene.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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