That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So many bounce houses so little time
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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