Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize