I just made out with a guy for $7.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
