He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
