Im at strip club and am horny
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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