We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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