I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
