oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
