No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
