Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
