I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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