is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
