you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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