he thought i was a dude.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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