Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize