Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
