I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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