sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
