You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize