I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
