so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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