Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
