I'm lost and stupid without you.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
