Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Randomize
