i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
