Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
