so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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