I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
