Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
