I wish my penis had an off switch
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize