I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize