I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
