i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
