The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
its liver damage thursday
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize