I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
